Tags Archives: Willy Wonka

Toffee Kills More People Than Smoking*

*Not really. But I am frustrated by toffee.  I’m not frustrated by toffee as a concept; I’m frustrated by toffee as candy.  It’s very difficult to eat; almost like a fight.  If you win, you get to swallow the toffee; if you lose, you need a filling replaced.  Now, I’m not talking about taffy.  Taffy […]

To Campbell’s Soup

To Whom it May Concern: First of all, thank you for providing your warm, semi-solid nourishment.  For my entire life, you’ve warmed my belly after intense snowball fights and come to my rescue when I was home sick from school.  Your Alphabet Soup helped teach me to read, however poorly.  (Honestly, you have to know […]