Categories Archives: Death Coach

Jaws: The Great White Life Coach

35 years ago this summer, arguably one of the greatest horror films in the history of cinema opened in theaters across the country. Directed by Steven Spielberg, and starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw and a stubborn mechanical shark nicknamed “Bruce,” Jaws terrified audiences and instilled Aquaphobia in an entire generation. I was six […]

My New Enterprise

I’ve recently announced my desire to be a Death Coach.  It’s like a Life Coach, but approaches the subject from a different perspective. As an introductory offer, for a limited time only, hire me as your Death Coach and I’ll include $100,000 worth of Death Assurance as well. Surely, someone has tried to sell you Life Insurance, but no phrase […]

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On The Same Day That Health Care Went Viral on Facebook…

…a woman in a wheelchair was shouted down at a New Jersey town hall as she attempted to plead her case. I just returned from a show at Marquette University where, for whatever reason, exactly half of the crowd began booing at the mere mention of President Obama’s name. My friends, at this rate, we are […]

My Living Will

Recently, there’s been a lot of discussion about End of Life decisions.  Some believe a living will is a responsible, empowering thing to do, while others believe that making End of Life decisions will allow a government Death Squad to barge in and start harvesting organs. I believe that, after I die, I will no longer care […]

I Would Like to Be a Life Coach

I know the best way to kill a dream is to share it with others.  Recently, I expressed a desire to become a State Fair pitch man and was publicly mocked; shamed from greatness.  It was like that episode of Happy Days where Richie wanted to be a dancer and all the guys at Arthur’s […]

To The Sponsors of the Health Care Reform Bill

I’ve been watching the various town hall meetings closely.  I haven’t been listening to them however, because every time a person in a suit talks, I yell at the television until my neck and cheeks are red like I learned in Debate Club.  Anyway, from what I read on the Closed Captioning, you’re forming something called a “Death Panel.”  Aside from […]