Categories Archives: Cranky Young Man

Twinkies and Belly Buttons

My friend Dave made a suggestion to me that made a lot of sense. After reading a recent political blog of mine, that appeared to be ghost written by Sylvia Plath, he said:  “I look forward to a post about Twinkies or Belly Buttons.” Which said to me:  “Dylan, your sense of humor has been […]

Costumes, Sporting Events, and That Guy

When I saw Tom Petty last Summer, I wore a tour t-shirt from a previous tour. A friend of mine laughed at me:  “Oh my God! You were totally ‘That Guy.’” “What guy?” “The guy who wears a tour t-shirt to concert.” I later ascertained that he stole that bit of wisdom from Jeremy Piven […]

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You Gotta Have Faith

So I was watching CNN this morning, and they did a segment on Faith Healing because, as you know, CNN is the world-wide leader in news. In short, this gospel singer from Buffalo, New York (who looks strangely like Hoda Kotb from the Today Show) had been in a wheelchair for 25 years, until, one […]

The Drunken WHAAA?

Yesterday, my wife and I and the rest of her family and in-laws drove to Fox Lake, Wisconsin to get family portraits taken. If you’re wondering where Fox Lake, Wisconsin is, I drove there, and I still don’t know. After trying to smile naturally for 30 minutes and at least managing a toothy grimace, the family went […]

Happy Columbus Day!

I’m a huge advocate of celebrating holidays in the spirit in which they were intended. Here’s how I celebrate Columbus Day: I wander over to a neighbor’s house, tell him I’m lost, give him some blankets infected with small pox, offer to buy his house with a handful of driveway gravel, and, send him out […]

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Farm Aid and the Entitlement Culture

The 25th Anniversary Farm Aid concert was one that I was really looking forward to. I grew up on a farm in Indiana and, before that, my parents had a small hippie farm consisting of a garden and a chicken coop. Each morning, it was my job to collect the eggs that would be eaten […]


I need someone to explain something to me; preferably the people behind the popular Zoosk commercial. First of all, if you’re not familiar, Zoosk is an on-line dating site. In fact, according to its website, Zoosk is the “world’s largest social dating community.” Finally, an end to anti-social dating. But if you’ve seen the commercial, […]

Office Surprise

If you’re anything like me, you never drink out of the bathroom sink immediately after flushing the toilet. You know that your house isn’t plumbed that way, but still, if something went wrong, it would be very, very gross. But that’s not what this is about. If you’re anything like me, you have a home […]

After the Apocalypse

December 23rd, 2012 (Apocalypse+2) They did it; the bastards they finally did it. First, they crippled the internet with multiple DoS attacks. The electrical grid soon followed. Then, they jammed the satellites with sonar. They divided us, and then they conquered. I don’t know how many are left. The Dolphins were merciless. God only knows […]