Dylan Bolin

This is regarding Housing Help, a recent Blog of mine.

First of all, as the website announces, I’m a comedian in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  I say that in order to distinguish myself from, say, an economist in Indianapolis, Indiana or a financial advisor in Ames, Iowa, both of whom might be better informed on such a topic than I.  So, take that into consideration when you read whatever I have to write.

Second, the slant of that article/Blog was that indeed some of the money that is being spent should find its way into the bank accounts of working people as opposed to only the accounts of rich, white guys. 

Keeping caveat #1 in mind, the idea that certain banks and money minders artificially increased the value of securities that they knew to be worthless in order to make a buck or two or several million, got busted and then claimed that “they were too big to fail” is so absurd as to require a pair of roller skates with which to transport their fantastical cojones.

At the same time, providing a basis for some of these mortgage-backed securities, certain mortgage lenders were hard at work concocting Variable Rate Mortgages and Adjustable Rate Mortgages so they didn’t have to turn anybody away, and ensuring that they made a hefty commission every time the phone rang. 

Their sales pitch went something like this:  “With this Variable Rate Mortgage, all you have to pay us the monthly interest.  Sure, in five years we’re going to adjust the rate to something that would make Scrooge McDuck blush, but all you have to do is sell the house, keep the increase in value and use it buy an even bigger house.”

This was all in the name of the “Free Market” exercising a little “freedom.” 

But the politicians bought the argument that the billionaires needed to be saved, forcing us (the taxpaying regular people) to subsidize the institutions that were “too big to fail.”

In my Blog, “Housing Help,” I failed to mention this opinion prior to suggesting that, maybe, as long as we’re already bailing out institutions for (apparently) the sole purpose of maintaining the standard of living of their management, we could also throw a couple bucks at the people that run the risk of losing everything, you know, like possibly your neighbors.  This may have led one to believe that I was some sort of Commie Pinko, Bleeding-Heart, Marxist, Neighbor-Loving Socialist.

The fact is, for anybody that cares, that I’m actually a big fan of Entropy, which is the breaking down of systems that grow too large for their own good.  Just like everything born must eventually die and every tide that flows must eventually ebb, every system can grow only so large before it ceases to sustain itself and begins to collapse.  An example of Entropy is the fact that forest fires are certainly destructive, but in many cases, it’s the only way that young saplings can receive the sunlight that they need to grow. 

Greed and the artificial inflation of our economic systems are what resulted in a Dow of over 14,000, a “bursting bubble” and the subsequent catastrophe.  While this qualifies as Entropy, a truly “Free Market” system would never have pushed the Dow to unrealistic levels, but, within reasonable parameters, would have experienced a simple correction; a temporary ebb.  Any system that is truly ”free” will establish an equilibrium that will sustain it. 

For that reason, I think it’s a little too late to ask the “Free Market” to take care of the problem; we’ve already let it mutate (with Corporate Socialism to the benefit of a select few) and we shouldn’t let it metastasize. 

Or, we let the true “Free Market” do its thing and devour all that hid behind it, smugly confident that they were “too big to fail.”  But that means nobody gets a bailout, and I’m fine with that if you are.

Let the comments commence:

-Dylan

“People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices.”  –Adam Smith, Wealth of Nations, 1776.

Last night, I had a crazy dream. 

I dreamed I was walking down a dark, deserted street.  The streetlights winked on and off, and when they were on, were reflected in the damp pavement.  My footfalls echoed, but the echoes seemed eerily confined to my personal space.  Ahead, I saw movement and froze in my tracks, trying hard not to alert this movement to my own.  This shadow, seemingly sensing my fear, locked on to me and descended.  I was paralyzed.  The shadow shifted shape into a human form and continued shifting into different versions of a human.  It spoke and I heard it’s voice not through my ears but directly in my mind.  It said:  “Give me your money.”

In the past, I’d always fantasized that if something like this ever happened, I would not give up easily; I would try to negotiate and, if all else failed, fight for what was rightfully mine.  “No,” I said.

“Very well,” it replied, “you and your wife will now suffer a slow and agonizing death.”  This was very unsettling.  I expected a tussle, a knife, a gun, anything other than a cryptic curse.  Just then, I heard more steps.  I turned and saw a police officer.  I tried to yell, but all that came out was a wheezing whisper.  I concentrated and, finally in full voice, yelled:  “Help!  I’m being robbed!”  The officer ambled over to us and was completely unfazed by the shape-shifting shadow. 

“Did you give him the money?” the officer asked.

“Of course not.”

“Then you’re coming with me.”  He threw me up against the wall, handcuffed me and took me away.  Again, in my mind, I heard the shadow say:  “Your death begins now.”

________________________________________________

Creepy, huh?  When I woke up this morning and turned on CNN, it occurred to me that it wasn’t a dream at all, but very, very real.  We are being robbed; Government-Sanctioned Robbery.  And this particular extortion comes in the form of taxes which, if you choose to fight for what’s yours and not pay, will land you in jail.  (That is, unless you’re Tom Daschle.)  That makes it Enforced Government-Sanctioned Robbery.

Of course, everyone involved would strongly disagree with this assessment:  “It’s not ‘robbery.’  How pedestrian of you, insignificant little person.  It’s called an ‘Economic Stimulus.’” 

And if you don’t like how your tax dollars are being spent, to dictate a change of behavior to these institutions is a draconian end to the “Free Market.”  I have news for you:  Even back in 1776, when our fledgling nation was dribbling strained peas down its chin and soiling itself, a Scotsman by the name of Adam Smith knew that the “Free Market” was being manipulated in order to benefit the Barons of Wealth. 

And to distract us from the nefarious goings-on, the modern-day Barons have simply injected a word into the discourse to keep us “insignificant little people” snarling at each other, and that word is “Socialism!”  Socialism is the sinful practice of redistributing wealth to the unwashed masses. 

So let’s review, shall we?  To remove wealth from the unwashed masses and give it to the rich, no questions asked, is called:  “Economic Stimulus.”  To remove wealth from the rich and give it to the unwashed masses is called:  “Socialism.” 

If you control the language, you control the debate. 

Go ahead and review the quote from Adam Smith at the top of this rant.  Now, I’d like to add one of my own: 

“Race, Creed and Religious differences are put in place to distract us from the truth:  There are only two kinds of people, the Shills and the Marks, and no Shill ever got rich by caring about a Mark.”

-Dylan

P.S.  Rest in peace, Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity International, whose hands were calloused by love for his fellow man.