Dylan Bolin

As I’ve mentioned in the past, my wife and I don’t have kids.  It’s not that there’s anything wrong with kids, but we’re still on the fence in terms of what would be a better future investment:  Kids, or leasing a sports car.

However, we did have a great time test driving a few toddlers at the Metroparent KIDSFest & Baby Expo. 

You may believe that the children are our future, but this year’s line is a classic nod to ”Generation Y” and the “Millennials.”

The 2010 models have some really fantastic features: 

The “Jaden” has upgraded the cuteness factor with the Justin Bieber haircut now standard. 

The on-board features for the “Montessori Maya” now include Automatic Honor Roll, but caveat emptor, some of the little girls have been recalled for slow, sullen responses and occasional ennui.

Fans of the hyper-thyroid “Bully” line will not be disappointed in 2010.  The “Dennis Dombrowski” is imposing and intimidating, and actually pays for itself by way of other kids’ lunch money.

All of the new kids and babies for 2010 have been designed to run on clean, fast-burning High Fructose Corn Syrup increasing food-efficiency.

Even in a recession, you can be sure that America’s worship of the Child will never falter, and the business of Baby Makin’ will continue to thrive.

-Dylan

Tags: Generation y, high fructose corn syrup, KIDSFest & Baby Expo, metroparent, millennials