Beast Mode, Yeast Mode, Dianne Wiest Mode

I do not care for the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Beast Mode,” and the main reason is this: There are going to be days when you get thumped 12-3, and when you do, any displays of “Beast Mode” during the afore-mentioned thumping appear childish and trite.

I don’t mean to urinate in anyone’s Cheerios; if “Beast Mode” makes you giddy as a fan, who am I to deny you. But realize that “Beast Mode” is not a one-way street. If you allow “Beast Mode,” you also have to prepare yourself for “Beast Got Hit By A Car And Was In A Lot Of Pain So We Had To Have Beast Put Down Mode.”

It also opens the door to mockery. If you hadn’t noticed, Cardinals’ catcher Yadier Molina has taken to celebrating hits by miming wiping his eyes with his fists or “Crybaby Mode.” I despise him for it, but turnabout is fair play. “Beast Mode” begat “Crybaby Mode.”

And when exactly is “Beast Mode” appropriate? A base hit? Really? A base hit is the most basic of baseball feats. I don’t expect a round of applause when I make toast without starting the house on fire.

I guess I’m of the opinion that the truly rich don’t have to flaunt it, the truly tough don’t start fights, and the truly talented let their work do the talking. If you hit one deep, unless it’s your first, start jogging. A high five, a swat on the butt or, in the case of Ryan Braun, a sensual session of prolonged, roguish eye contact should suffice as celebration. The fans will take care of the rest; that’s what they paid for.

Mind you, I have no problem with pre-game enthusiasm or post-game exuberance, but I’d prefer to just assume that from the first pitch to the 27th out, “Beast Mode” is the default setting.

-Dylan

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