So I created a Twitter account.
A friend assured me that it was a crucial tool in the field of “on-line publishing” (A.K.A. writing for free). I tend to think that, as it pertains to providing free content to numerous websites, I am, in fact, the tool, but if I’m going to be exploited, why not go all the way with it?
The minute I clicked the “Create Your Account” button, I became the clueless, European cousin. I imagine this is what the first day of prison is like. (Ex- or current cons, feel free to disagree). What’s the etiquette? Who are the right people to follow? What table should/could I sit at? What groups would I associate with? Who was the biggest, baddest dude on the Block, and would I have to fight him?
Immediately, I had two followers, Brittany2008 and Holly38DD. They seemed very nice, but maybe it was because they were in their underwear. They wanted to exchange pics, but I had a sense that the relationship would be very one-sided. “Sorry, baby,” I wrote to each of them, “I just got here. Besides, you don’t want to get mixed up with a guy li…” And I ran out of characters.
That’s right, I thought, you only get 140.
After learning Twitter Rule #1: “Blocking Trifling Cyber-Skanks,” it was time to Tweet my first Twitter:
“S-up 1st Twit accnt. Wrred about chrctr cnt. Abvrtng porly n needlesly.”
The statement now hangs there on the world-wide web, unacknowledged.
If you’re so inclined, you can follow me as I stumble around Twitter like a pathetic n00b @DylanBolin. But remember: “Do not follow me for I may not lead, do not lead for I may not follow, but Tweet beside me and be my friend.” I believe Snoopy said that.
Look, I don’t want no trouble; I just want to serve my time.