Pancake Bites Man

Unlike many people, my wife included, I love the McGriddle. If you just say the word “McGriddle” in front of my wife, she launches into the cutest, involuntary gagging that you’ll ever see. For my wife, the syrup pockets explode like infected pustules, but for me, they erupt like balloons turgid with comfort.

I love all of the ingredients separately (pancakes, sausage and syrup), so why wouldn’t I love all of those ingredients fused together in a delightful sandwich-like abomination? It is an all-out assault of taste and texture. Every area of the tongue, sweet, salty, savory and pancake, are stimulated at once.

Well, one company got all of your letters about how you wanted your McGriddle in single-bite form, but it’s not the company you might expect.

Dunkin Donuts’ Pancake Bites are not just delicious, they’re atomically delicious. Around the nucleus of sausage, several shells of flavor valences vibrate, creating a probability of satisfaction.

The pancake surrounds the pork nugget like a white blood cell on bacteria. A thin layer of sweetness coats the breakfast ball like the sweat on an exhausted lover’s cheek.

I take in my nourishment like a baby bird, predigested by Food Science.

All this, and roughly 100 life-giving calories per “bite.”

For those of you that would profane it with a comparison to a common corn dog, I say to you:  Move over, dog, man’s mouth has a new best friend.


There are 2 comments

  1. I threw up just reading your delicious description.

  2. Carrie wrote

    I wish to atone for my profaning.