You Gotta Have Faith

So I was watching CNN this morning, and they did a segment on Faith Healing because, as you know, CNN is the world-wide leader in news.

In short, this gospel singer from Buffalo, New York (who looks strangely like Hoda Kotb from the Today Show) had been in a wheelchair for 25 years, until, one day, she was faith healed.

The scene on CNN was this woman stepping out of a big, black limo and walking up the steps to her mother’s porch. She moved slowly and a little unsteadily but, to be fair, it could have been the six-inch Stiletto heels. I mean, come on, lady. Sure, you’re healed, but to go from 25 years in a wheelchair straight to hooker shoes; that’s tough to pull off, even for God.

Perhaps a comfortable pair of orthopedic shoes or maybe a modest pump would have been more appropriate. But I guess all things are possible with God.

But then I got to thinking:  If God did this, if God healed her, you’d think God would want to make a show of it. You know, put His best foot forward (pun very much intended).

I mean, I could see her walking like this after, say, months of hard work and physical therapy; the kind of therapy that has been painstakingly developed by doctors and scientists. But if this was some sort of miracle by the hand of God, you’d think He’d go ahead and give her the Platinum Package. You know, send her bounding up those steps like a love-struck teenager.

Now, she never mentioned the nature of her paralysis, and there are some skeptics out there saying things like:  “It’s possible that she could walk the whole time, but chose not to.” I assume it’s only a matter of time until God smites these skeptics with the full force of his wrath.

I, for one, am thrilled that faith-based healing is making a comeback because, let me tell you, science is hard. You know what it takes to become a doctor these days? Who has that kind of time? Besides, given the choice between a quiet evening mapping the lateral antebrachial cutaneous nerve and Dancing with the Stars, well, it’s literally a no-brainer.

Sure, American kids are internationally ranked 21st in science and 25th in math, but they’re #1 in faith, baby.

Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani all the way! Sure it’s a long shot, but you gotta have faith.


There is one comment

  1. I believe…in you.