A word of advice to prospective Trick or Treaters: You must at least try to dress up. Bed head and eye boogers are not a costume, and the pillow case you’re carrying doesn’t help either.
And if you’ve already hit puberty, maybe you should consider retiring from Trick or Treating and start a family of your own…or at least make an attempt to cover your moustache.
To the kids out there, if you want to score the best candy, go early. In an attempt to impress, we grown-ups will always give out the top shelf stuff first. However, if you want to score the most candy, go late. The last thing we grown-ups want is a bunch of left-over candy that we are forced to eat, so by the end of the Trick or Treating, we’ll be stuffing handfuls into your bags.
And here is a request and some advice for the adults out there:
First, candy makers have to stop labeling their Halloween candy as “Snack-size.” Of course, it’s a snack. Are they somehow implying that their full-sized candy is a meal? And the same holds true for the label “Fun-size.” This is silly. Smaller equals fun? It’s like saying that dimes are more fun than dollars. But regardless of how the candy is labeled, it’s important to choose the right kind of candy lest you be labeled “That House.”
C’mon back tomorrow for a short list of the absolute worst, gag-worthy candy you can drop in a little beggar’s bag.