“Scamming the Scammed” or “Fool Me Once…”

I know they’re a nuisance to some, but I absolutely love these.  I received this email exactly.  The bold italics are my responses.

UNITED NATIONS 2008/ 2009 SCAM VICTIMS COMPENSATIONS PAYMENTS.SCAMMED VICTIM/$500,000 BENEFICIARIES.REF/PAYMENTS CODE:06654 $500,000 USD. 

Attention: Sir/Madam:

How did you know about my trip to Thailand?

This is to bring to your notice that I am delegated from the United Nations To HSBC Bank of London to pay 400 Nigerian 419 scam victims (My God.  19 more scams in the time it took to read the word “Nigerian.”) $500,000 USD (Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) each. You are listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims (was I?) to be paid this amount, get back to as soon as possible for the immediate payments of your 500,000 USD compensations funds. (Get back to who, dammit, WHO?)  On this faithful recommendations, want you to know that during the last U.N. meetings held at Washington, USA, (D.C. or Spokane?) it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meetings on the lose of funds by various foreigners to the scams artists operating in syndicates all over the world today.  (I can’t begin to list the errors in that sentence.)  In other to retain the good image of the country, the President of the Country is now paying 284 (284, remember that) victims of this operators $500,000 USD each in accordance with the U.N.recommendations. Due to the corrupt and inefficient Banking Systems in Nigeria, (way to retain the “good image of the country.”) the payments are to be paid by HSBC Bank of London as corresponding paying bank under funding assistance by The Rabo Bank, London for funds remittance.  (Rabo?) Victims include every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due to change in Government policies, people involved in check, bank draft, credit card and similar scams and had lost their hard earned funds in the past. (Here’s to losing them in the future.)  We found your name in our list (if you found my name, what’s with the “Sir/Madam” greeting? Say my name, Beyonce!) and this is reason we are contacting you. Our investigation showed that you truly lost money to scammers (If you truly say so) in the past and your name had been approved as one of the beneficiaries. According to the number of applicants at hand, 222 Beneficiaries has been paid, (has they now) half of the victims are from the United States, we still have more 188 left to be paid the compensations of $500,000 USD each. (222+188=410.  What happened to 284?  Maybe this is why your banks suck.)  Your particulars was mentioned by one of the Syndicates who was arrested as one of their victims of the operations, (I would appreciate you not discussing my “particulars;” they’re perfectly normal for a 39-year-old man) you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to him for any reason what so ever as the U.S. secret service is already on trace of the criminal. So keep it secret till they are all apprehended. (Of course.) Other victims who have not been contacted can submit their application as well for scrutiny and possible consideration. (I’ll let them know.) Please note, if you had changed your legal name, send to him your new name with official proof. Also reconfirm to him your Mailing address to receive the draft. Kindly Reverify Your informations again

1. Full Name…………………………………………

2. Residential Address……………………………..

3. Age……………………………………………….

4. Occupation………………………………………

5. Direct Telephone Numbers…………………….

6. A Copy Of Your Identification…………………  

The contact details of Rev Chris Johnson are given below:  (Who the hell is Rev Chris Johnson?  Is he the the President of Nigeria?  Chris Johnson?)

Email : revchrisjohnson[REDACTED]@gmail.com (Gmail?  Seriously?  Way to go, United Nations.) Tel:+18142869789  (814 is the area code for Erie, Pennsylvania.  For real.)  

You can receive your compensations payments via any of this options you Choose,DRAFT/CHEQUE PAYMENTS, ATM CASH CARD. I shall feed you with further modalities as soon as I hear from you. (Feed me, feed me!) kindly Check the website below to see the information.

Yours faithfully,

Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon

Well, this is actually the U.N. Secretary, so I guess it’s legit.

If you’ve been scammed like they told me I have, let me know and I’ll pass your name along.

You’re welcome.

-Dylan

Comments are closed.