To the Youths Who Knocked Over My Recycling Bin Last Night:

Hello Youths,

(turn His chair around backwards so they [The Youths] know that He’s being casual)

Let me first say that I sympathize with you.  We grown-ups have been jerks.  We’ve left you with a smoldering, burned-out husk of a planet, an economy that ensures that you’ll forever be tax slaves to our generation and television shows like America’s Got Talent.  Back in our day, we called it The Gong Show.

Oh, and if you could learn some Chinese…Cantonese…Mandarin…any will do, it would probably be a good idea.  You’ll be working primarily for them.  Take that for what it’s worth.  Just a little wisdom from an adult.

But I still don’t understand why you chose to vent your frustration on my Recycling Bin.  It’s the one gesture that my generation is willing to make.

And do you think it’s easy being an old person these days?  I can’t even yell things at you any more like:  “Why don’t you get a job?!” because I’m probably applying for the same job.  And not in the cool way like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.  We really need it now.

Entre nous, I thought this particular choice of civil disobediance lacked a certain Je ne sais quoi.  I simply didn’t symapathize with the protagonist.  At no point, when I was picking up the beer bottles did I think:  “My Recycling Bin was the first leg of this hero’s journey!”  In short, it lacked Zazz.

You are the people that are supposed to get us out of this mess!  You are the “future!”  We need something more creative!  There’s a reason we had you!  There’s a reason you’ve been had!

You can do better,

Dylan

There are 3 comments

  1. Your blog makes me very happy. This post makes me very happy. I am very, very happy. You rock!

  2. Tamara Davidson wrote

    I used to steal potted plants off people’s doorsteps. And look at how I turned out. Yikes.

  3. Very amusing.
    I stumbled on this randomly, searching for a company called Zazz (lol) and will be looking at the rest of your site. Nice work.