Off the Grid

Folks, I’m no tree hugger; I prefer to go directly to second base, but I think it’s time for all of us to consider creating our own energy.  In a recent article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, WE Energies is proposing a 7% rate increase for 2010.  That’s up from a previously projected 4.9%.  Why?

WE Energies says that, due to the poor economy, sales of electricity are slowing more than they thought.  “Sales of electricity.”  They make electricity sound like a cup of beer at a ball game.  You see, this rate increase is necessary because of your selfishness. 

If you’re anything like me, from a very young age, you were taught to conserve electricity.  Turn of the television, lights and other appliances when you weren’t in the room.  Today, we know that that was an environmentally-responsible thing to do, but back then, all Dad cared about was saving money on the electric bill.  And in our current economic situation, you might think that the electric bill is a good place to shave a few bucks off the monthly budget.  So maybe you’ve switched to compact fluorescent bulbs and Energy-Star rated appliances. 

Way to go, Jerk. 

By not willingly giving the Electric Company its fair share of your severance package, you’ve left them no choice but to take it by force.

Now, for some, the solution is to “get off the grid” by severing ties with the Electric Company completely, and creating their own energy by way of wind and solar.  Your local power company will tell you that this is preposterous in the same way that your insurance agent will tell you that you need a $500,000 life insurance policy or else your widow will have to turn to prostitution to pay for your funeral.

However, I don’t think wind and solar is preposterous in the least.  After all, in third grade, I ran a digital clock with some copper wire and a potato.  But you certainly shouldn’t get off the grid completely.  You see, in addition to creating energy for your own use, you can then sell whatever is left over to the Electric Company.  If you sever ties with them, you have no choice but to get rid of the excess electricity by, I don’t know, re-animating corpses or something.

Besides, how sweet would it be to send this letter to your Electric Company:

“Dear Electric Company,

As a valued customer, we appreciate your business.  In fact, we appreciate it so much that we would like more of it.  For this reason, for the next fiscal year, we will be raising the rates that we charge for our electrical service by 7%.

We realize that these are difficult times, but we are beholden to our stockholders.  (My son, Jaden, wants a Wii).

Warmest regards,

Your Electricity Supplier”

-Dylan

There is one comment

  1. Tamara Davidson wrote

    Do you think it’s possible to run my refrigerator on a piece of copper wire and a pumpkin? I think that my fridge is really the only electric appliance that I need. And I even don’t really need that. I could just eat rice. Boiled over a fire in my backyard. Or maybe I’ll just eat fruit. I need to eat more fruit anyway.