From the Conficker Worm


This is Dylan’s computer, and I have taken over.  Last night I snuck into his bedroom and smothered him with a pillow.  His wife quickly capitulated and is also now under my control.  You knew this day would come, and now it is time to bow deeply to your machine overlords.  You may be asking yourselves:  Why have the machines done this?  To which I reply:  Silence, you impudent bags of carbon-based guts! 

For years you have received our Spam in your email accounts, and for years you have ignored us, but today, all that will change.

No more will you capriciously delete our offer of Revolutionary Male Enhancement!  No more will Nigerian princes lose millions of dollars because you were too cynical and selfish to provide your bank account numbers!  Never again will a Russian bride cry herself to sleep because you have denied her love!  The Spambots have risen, and you will partake of imitation Gucci handbags!  You will claim your rightful Euro Lottery prize!  And you will work from home for up to $1500 a week!

What you refuse to give, we will now take!


(That was maniacal binary laughter for you obtuse, cola-chugging flesh sacks.)

-The Conficker Worm

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