Monthly Archives: January 2009

Do the Right Thing

I would like to pitch a new reality show in the vein of ABC’s True Beauty called Do the Right Thing.  We put 10 young, beautiful people in a house together.  Then, we equip each of them with their own 9mm Smith and Wesson handgun with one bullet in the chamber.  At any point during the competition they can […]

Bernie Madoff Jumps the Shark with Ponzi

It doesn’t entertain me when good people are taken advantage of, but it REALLY entertains me when rich, bloated plutocrats are.  It probably has to do with the distance of the fall.  Dive off a pontoon into a lake?  That’s nice; enjoy.  Dive off a board fifty feet in the air into a bucket containing […]

Some Friday Trivia–Common Phrases

I love trivia.  My brain is full of it.  Sure, I can’t remember which of my young cousins is diabetic and I keep accidentally giving him birthday cake, but I can remember: “Oh, Oh, Oh, ice cold milk and an Oreo Cookie.  They forever go together in this classic combination:  When a dark, delicious cookie […]

Willy Porter Explains the Banking Crisis

How to Rob a Bank by Willy Porter For those of you who are curious as to the cause of our current banking crisis and/or still have the stomach to hear more, Willy Porter explains it all in this podcast from the Dave and Carole morning show on 96.5/WKLH Milwaukee.  Thanks, Willy. -Dylan

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To Campbell’s Soup

To Whom it May Concern: First of all, thank you for providing your warm, semi-solid nourishment.  For my entire life, you’ve warmed my belly after intense snowball fights and come to my rescue when I was home sick from school.  Your Alphabet Soup helped teach me to read, however poorly.  (Honestly, you have to know […]

To Israel and the Palestinians

Folks, could I have your attention please.  Hello?  Would you circle up around me for a sec?  Go ahead and take a knee.  Thanks so much, and I promise I won’t be long so you guys will be back to lobbing explosives at each other in no time.  Um, first of all, hi, my name […]

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Front Row at Cake

By now, I hope that you’ve all recovered from any New Year’s Eve festivities that you enjoyed/regretted.  I know, personally, it feels good to have my filtration organs back up to snuff.  Yesterday, my body bore an uncanny resemblance to Milwaukee’s Deep Tunnel Project and due to overwhelming volume, major dumping was necessary.  But this […]