Macaroni and Cheese was a staple and my meal of choice when I moved into my first apartment, and even now, beginning the year in which I will turn 40, I can still whip up a batch so creamy and tender that you can chew it solely with your tongue and the roof of your mouth.   At the risk of sounding pretentious, I consider myself a connoisseur.  Like the wine experts who can tell the year of a Cabernet by its finish, I can tell you the expiration date on a box of Mac and Cheese by how quickly the cheese powder turns to “sauce,” and so can you with this simple formula:  Take the year that you will turn 95 and add 50.

Trivia Question:  Do you know the first ingredient listed in the “Nutrition Facts?”

Answer:  Enriched Macaroni Product

Relevance:  The future of Mac and Cheese is NOW.

What is “Enriched Macaroni Product?”  Let me tell you, it’s not easy to come by.  It starts with the capture of a Macaroni.  Without harming the Macaroni, a small sample is taken.  This contains the ”D.N.A.” of the Macaroni.  Using highly scientific cloning devices, the Macaroni is reproduced, safely and humanely, and as it’s reproduced, it is also “enriched.”  That means that things are added to the Macaroni Clones that make them “richer.”  “Richer” means “Better.” 

Yes, we’ve come a long way.  The new generation of Mac and Cheese eaters is enjoying Enriched Macaroni Product.  And, on behalf of the Old Guard, I’d like to extend a hand of solidarity.  You are the future, the custodians of history, and you will tell our story.  When you speak of us, please speak well. 

In exchange, I’d like to share some Mac and Cheese wisdom with that new generation and that is this:  You don’t need to follow the “Cooking Instructions.”  6 cups of water, 4 tbsp of margarine, 1/4 cup of milk.  Boil 7 to 8 minutes.  You don’t need that stuff.  For the perfect Macaroni and Cheese, remember the acronym B.L.A.L.:  Boil Longer, Add Less.

1.  Fill the pan 3/4 full of water; the amount of water will depend on the pan (just like Nature intended).  2.  Boil.  3.  Pour in the Enriched Macaroni Product.  4.  Stir occassionally  5.  Boil until the Enriched Macaroni Product swells to your satisfaction.  6.  Drain off the water using ONLY the lid of the pan (If you don’t have a lid for this particular pan, feel free to use a Corningware plate).  7.  Add Cheese Powder/Cheese Sauce Mix.  8.  Stir and enjoy.*

*For a real treat, add frozen peas and tuna fish.

There’s no need to thank me; I feel your gratitude already. 

-Dylan